people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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