fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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