i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
