if only i could text you this smell
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
