Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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