Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
birth control should be required to get into college
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
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