I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
