I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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