Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
bring money and cleavage
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
