Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
