Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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