last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
being pregnant is like rehab
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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