There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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