He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
