Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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