How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
