how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize
