C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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