I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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