Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
