He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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