think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
