Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
