Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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