omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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