You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Randomize
