I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
