So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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