she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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