Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
