Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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