went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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