i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize