after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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