i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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