I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Text me some of your sweat
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize