You're my little dorito
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Say something about gay babies.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
