I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
