I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
