look no pants
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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