Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
