I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
