you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
All I want is dick and wine.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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