Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
