dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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