Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
