She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
