how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
