I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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