Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
