Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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