All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
