Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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