well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
