he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize