Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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