I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
