i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
