just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
