My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
