The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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