Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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