now i know why i became what i already was.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
