when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
