but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
