So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
