What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
