girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize