Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
