How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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