i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
