I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
