She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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