Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
whose parrot is this?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
