areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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