it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
