why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
