he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
