I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
