Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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