Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize