so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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