whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
