Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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