I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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