so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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