I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
