Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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