fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
