I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
