she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
