JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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