the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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