Just took my morning after pill in the library
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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