Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
