I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
