I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
