There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
