i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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