omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
