I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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