we have officially lost it.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
