It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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